


The Deep Dark Before Dawn's First Light

by Lalapie



Series: The Canticle of Eve [2]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Dragon Age Quest: In Your Heart Shall Burn, F/M, as angsty as I can anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-17
Updated: 2015-09-18
Packaged: 2018-04-15 03:56:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4592016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lalapie/pseuds/Lalapie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is an alternative ending to ‘With passion’d breath does the darkness creep’. Eve and Dorian finally return to Haven after traveling in time, first forward to the dark future and then back in time to Kirkwall before the destruction of the Chantry. </p><p>In this ending of the story Cullen remembers nothing of Eve in Kirkwall, for him they never met and their intense relationship never happened. Eve however does remember.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Eve watched the celebration the people of the Inquisition threw for the successful closure of the breach but didn’t join in. Although she was as pleased as anyone that they had been successful her heart was heavy. She’d turned down all of her friends’ encouragement to join in on the festivities, preferring to wallow alone in her sadness. Josephine had strongly encouraged her to make an appearance, for the sake of moral, so she hadn’t hid in her house but she sat on the upper terrace and watched. Remaining aloof, it seemed fitting for someone they believed chosen by Andraste to save them, only she didn’t want to be aloof. She wanted one particular person’s company, but things had not gone how she had hoped when they returned to Haven

_As they rode into in Haven Eve had sat up in her saddle and scanned the area nervously. Everything looked to her mostly as it had before their departure; tents ordered neatly in rows outside the walls of the town, to the troops that they housed hard at work training in the gently falling snow. The only change she could spot was the addition of trebuchets, newly arrived while they had been in Redcliffe. Distinctive in his red cloak, the Commander of the forces was visible amongst the soldiers._

_Cullen had seen them arrive and made his way to the horse pen to meet them as they dismounted. Eve stilled as the reins of her horse where taken from her hand by someone, she was entirely focused on the man walking towards them. She held her breath as he looked at her and felt crystals of ice begin to prick her chest as Cullen’s gase slipped quickly over her to the woman who strode forward to greet him._

_‘Seeker,’ Cullen greeted. ‘We received your report on the situation in Redcliffe, I was glad to hear the situation was resolved without conflict.’_

_‘It was a good outcome.’ Cassandra agreed. She turned slightly to glance at Eve._

_Cullen followed Cassandra’s gaze back to Eve. ‘I’m glad to hear it.’_

_He smiled at her and it was polite. Professional. Detached._

_Cassandra and Cullen kept speaking but Eve didn’t hear them, her own racing heart filled her ears. The wind drove small flakes of snow against her face and into her eyes, she blinked to clear them as she felt tears welling up in shock._

_Cullen stood a few feet from her but the distance between them was an nu-breachable chasm. He didn’t remember her_

_Dorian’s hands settling on her shoulders startled Eve slightly out of her stillness. The others were moving towards the town’s gates and Dorian was steering her to follow their steps. He leaned down to whisper in her ear._

_‘Take a deep breath, shoulders back and head high. Hold it together, just for now. You can fall apart later.’_

 

The source of Eve’s trouble strolled through the celebrating crowd. He didn’t join in the drinking or dancing but stopped and greeted those who spoke to him, clearly he was present on the ambassadors orders as well.

The longing in her heart to go to him was almost a tangible pain. All that she wanted was to be enfolded in his arms and held, to have him look at her the way he had in Kirkwall; believing she was the most precious thing in his world. The coolness currently between them was a long way from that familiar warmth, she did not even currently have the tentative friendship that they had been building. Things had been awkward and standoffish between them since Cullen had learned she had offered the mages an alliance with the Inquisition.

_‘What were you thinking, turning mages loose with no oversight? The Veil is torn open.’_

_Eve stiffened under Cullen’s angry gaze. ‘We are not monsters. We can control ourselves.’_

_‘It’s not an issue of self control- even the strongest mages are susceptible to possession under conditions like these.’_

It had seemed the last straw for Eve, not only had she lost her Cullen forever the but the one she had returned to was not as kind as she had remembered. Was that really what he thought of her, that no matter her strength or skill she was one miss-step away from possession? Eve had cried herself to sleep that night, her bed too big and cold without the body of her templar to warm her.

During the preparations to march on the breach she had only exchanged a few tense words with Cullen, not willing yet to forgive or forget that moment he had let her see his doubts.

Eve watched Cullen slip away from the party, brushing off offers of drink and conversation. He walked down the stairs to the outer street of Haven and she saw him turn turn in the direction that would take him to the trebuchet. She wondered if it was dedication to his work that drove him from the party or, knowing him as she did, discomfort in the jovial social setting. Despite her own anger and pain she longed to comfort him and put him at ease with a friendly smile and conversation. The way things were between them rubbed at her constantly.

Feeling wild, feeling lonely Eve slipped down the stairs herself and passed through the people celebrating around the bonfire. She took the turn after Cullen and found him returning from the path that lead to the innermost of Haven’s trebuchets.

Cullen looked surprised to see her approaching him and stopped to address her. He shifted easily into professional mode, resting his hands at his sword as he spoke. ‘Herald. What is wrong, is there something you need?’

Eve shook her head and wrung her hands together having difficulty meeting his eyes. ‘Nothing is the matter. I- I just wished to speak with you. We haven’t spoken since I returned from Redcliffe with the rebel mages.’

She heard Cullen shift his feet in the snow and sigh heavily before he spoke. ‘I have no intention of endangering your alliance but I must ensure the safety of those here. That concern extends to the mages, they are putting themselves at risk for the Inquisition.’

Eve looked up at Cullen to find him rubbing at the back of his neck and looking at her with gentle eyes. ‘As are you. Any precautions taken are meant to aid you, nothing more. I hope you will accept them as such.’

This was the man she remembered. Eve offered him a small smile. ‘We can be friends then?’

‘Yes, I would like that.’ Cullen returned her smile whole-heatedly, clearly pleased to have cleared the air between them.

‘You don’t seem to be enjoying yourself tonight.’ Eve said.

‘These kinds of gathering aren’t really my, err area of expertise.’ Cullen laughed. ‘And I worry my presence makes it hard for the troops under my command to enjoy themselves.’

Eve hummed thoughtfully. ‘It’s all a bit much for me. Personally I prefer a quieter gathering. Perhaps you would like to join me for a hot drink? There is some very nice tea Vivienne had delivered from Val Royeaux.’

‘That might be too refined for my tastes,’ Cullen laughed ‘but I would be pleased to have your company.’

He gestured for her to lead the way and they fell into step beside each other.

‘I think you have excellent taste. If you find the tea ostentatious then it probably is, it does contain rose-petals.’ Eve said smiling.

‘I- Ah, thank you?’ Cullen answered a little surprised.

Eve found her hand reaching out out it’s own accord to brush against Cullen’s fingers. Her gloved hand slipped into his and Cullen jumped a little before grasping her hand and stopping in his tracks. He held their hands between them and looked down at them. His thumb rubbed over her fingers and Eve stepped forward in response.

She peaked up at him hopefully through her lashes, it was hard to tell in the darkness but she thought he was blushing.

‘Lady Trevelyan,’ Cullen began.

‘Eve.’ She corrected him, causing him to look up and meet her gaze.

‘Maker’s breath,’ Cullen whispered. ‘Is this actually happening?’

‘Do you not want it to?’ Eve pouted.

‘Maker no - I mean yes!’ Cullen rubbed a hand over his face. ‘I think you are very lovely Lady Trevelyan. But. I, I couldn’t.’

‘I don’t understand.’ Eve said.

Cullen gently squeezed her fingers before letting her hand drop. ‘I know that emotions are very heightened tonight, but we will have to work together in the future and I don’t wish to cause any discomfort between us. I would hate to be a source of regret for you lady Trevelyan.’

Eve blinked at him. She saw the stiffness in his shoulders and jaw, sadness in his eyes and the way he was holding himself back from her. His explanation had had nothing to do with his own feelings, merely what he though hers where.

She opened her mouth to respond- to explain when the bell started sounding.

Cullen looked from the gates to her. ‘One of the lookouts has spotted something.’ With one apologetic look he was gone, moving quickly to find out what was going on and leaving Eve to trail behind as Haven sprung to action around her.


	2. Chapter 2

Eve’s heart sunk with the arrival of the dragon. Just as it looked like they had a chance of getting out of this alive those hopes were dashed. She stood listening in the Chantry as the strange boy who had arrived at the gates ahead of the army told her and Cullen that all the Elder One wanted was her. 

‘If it will save all these people, he can have me.’ Eve said softly. 

‘It won’t. He wants to kill you. No-one else matters but he’ll crush them, kill them anyway. I don’t like him.’ Cole said.

‘You don’t-’ Cullen sighed in exasperation and turned just to face Eve. ‘There are no tactics to make this survivable. The only thing that slowed them was the avalanche. We could turn the remaining trebuchets, cause one last slide.’ 

‘But to hit the enemy, we’d bury Haven.’ The moment Eve spoke the words she knew Cullen had already realised that. 

‘We are dying, but we can decide how. Many don’t get that choice.’ He said. 

They looked at each other for a long moment and Eve imagined how it would be if things were different; the Cullen she knew would have closed the distance and kissed her. 

‘Chancellor Roderic can help.’ Cole said, ‘He wants to say it before he dies.’ 

As the Chancellor described the path through the mountains that he’d been shown by Andraste Eve realised that it wasn’t all over. She looked across at her golden-haired templar, looking so grim with his brow creased in worry and realised that he could yet live. She could buy time for him and everyone else with her life. If she distracted the ‘Elder One’. 

Eve considered that perhaps it was better that he hadn't remembered her after all. It would cause him so much less pain now, when she died. 

‘What about it Cullen? Will it work?’ Eve asked. 

‘Possibly,’ Cullen considered. ‘If he shows us the path. What of your escape?’ 

Eve looked away from Cullen’s open and honest face to stare down at a point on the floor behind him. She was surprised he hadn’t realised. 

‘Perhaps you will suprise it. Find a way.’ Cullen suggested, his voice gentle coaxing her to hope. 

‘Yes, perhaps.’ She agreed, letting him pretend there was a chance if it was what he wished to do.

 

Eve staggered through the snow with her arms wrapped wrapped closely around her body and her head bent low to keep the worst of the wind from her face. Her feet had stopped being cold some time in the past and they were heavy to lift and push through the drifts around her boots. 

She wondered what it was that kept her moving through the snow. What drove her still to put one foot before the other when all she longed to do was lie down in the snow and give into the coying drozieness. It was probably the same thing that had dragged her to her feet when Corypheus tossed her against the trebuchet like a rag-doll, the same thing that had brought brave words full of bravo to her lips and driven her to leap out of the way after setting off the trebuchet. A core of inner strength she hadn’t known herself capable of.

Keeping firmly in mind the faces of her friends she kep putting one foot in front of the other. Dorian, Cassandra and Varric had stood so bravely by her side until she ordered them to make their own escape, the others she had sent with the towns people. Surely it was for them, she could keep going for them. 

When she closed her eyes against a sharp gust of wind driving ice crystals into her skin Eve saw in her mind’s eye Cullen kneeling over her lap as he had in Kirkwall with her hands clasp firmly in his, begging her never to leave him. 

Letting out a strangled sob Eve fell to her knees in the snow. She was kidding herself, the only thing stopping her from accepting her fate and lying down to die in the snow was a promise she’d made to a man who didn’t remember and didn’t want her. Swiping furiously with her undamaged arm Eve tried to brush away the tears before they froze on her skin. 

Would it be so bad if she just waited a moment here to regather her strength? The snow was almost not cold when she lay her cheek against it. If she closed her eyes she could almost hear Cullen’s voice in the wind. 

And Cassandra’s.

A hand on her shoulder woke her from her trance. Another hand under her legs and then she was being lifted into the air and held against a body in steel plate. Eve whined softly as her tender ribs were jostled slightly and she turned her face into the fur that tickled at her cheek. She’d know Cullen’s arm anywhere and they held her with the same gentle strength she remembered.

‘It’s alright now, I’ve got you.’ Cullen said is a soft low voice that reached her over the sound of the wind.

The only response she could give was to wind her fingers through the fur of his cloak and clutch it with all of her remaining strength. It wasn’t enough however, for her to keep ahold of him; when she was lowered to a soft surface and his arms moved away he easily escaped her grasp. She blinked up at his retreating figure and opened cold-chapped lips to ask him to stay but he was backing out of the tent before Eve could find the words. 

 

The return of her strength brought with it an awkward mutual embarrassment between her and the Commander. Eve avoided Cullen as much as she could during those days spent trekking through the Frostbacks, and she suspected he avoided her too. During the day she would lead at the front of their ragged group with the enigmatic Solas, while the commander hung back. When night fell Eve let Dorian pull her to a fireside and laughed with him and smiled as stories and jokes were shared to keep spirits up. Whenever their gaze did cross, in passing or over a campfire they would both quickly look away. 

A fierce embarrassment coiled in her gut at having been rejected when she’d been so forward. She wondered if the colour in the Commander’s cheeks when he looked away from her was due to embarrassment felt on account of her own foolishness. 

Still, despite whatever doubts he had about her of her failings of personal judgement Cullen clearly kept them to himself and supported the move to make her inquisitor. 

The blushing became less frequent after the first few war table meetings, but it never really stopped. 

 

Just before she was to leave for Crestwood with Hawke and Varric Eve marched towards the war room a few hours ahead of a scheduled meeting. She had received new proposed scout routs and trade paths and wished to use the map to gain a better idea of the layouts before she signed off on anything. Preoccupied with the reports in hand Eve strode through the door of the war room stopping short before she collided with an unexpected occupant. 

Her feet skidded to a stop on the stone and Cullen turned, as shocked as her to be found there.

‘Inquisitor! I was, ah, there something you needed?’ Cullen blushed and mumbled, avoiding meeting her eye.

Eve shook her head mutely. She was keenly awhere this was the first time they had been alone together since the attack on Haven. 

‘I was just considering our approach to western Orlais,’ Cullen gestured to the map behind him hurriedly before rubbing at his neck. ‘Ah,’

Spurned on by the ridiculousness of reducing her general to a blushing mess with her very presence Eve decided it was time to clear the air between them. 

‘Please,’ Eve wrung her hands together. ‘Please Cullen.’ 

He dropped his hand and looked down at his feet shuffling awkwardly in place. 

‘We can not continue like this. I know what you must think of me- you can’t even look me in the eye!’ Eve exclaimed. ‘I know you don’t respect me, but for the sake of our working relationship do you think we could try and get along?’ 

Cullen looked up at her in surprise and said with clear shock ‘Not _respect_ you? My lady inquisitor, what I feel is so much more than respect.’ 

Eve gaped a little at him as Cullen coloured again, but held her gaze this time. 

‘I have come to think very highly of you inquisitor, I, well, I hold you in very special regard.’ He told her with careful earnest. 

He couldn’t possibly mean what she though he did. 

‘No.’ Eve breathed, shaking her head.

‘No?’ Cullen echoed, hurt replacing his look of tentative hope. 

‘You can’t mean that. At Haven before the attack, when I propositioned you, you didn’t…’

‘I was a fool to have turned you down.’ Cullen admitted sadly. ‘But I was afraid that you only wanted my company for that night, and I didn’t think I could bare that; being put aside by you afterwards’ 

‘Oh,’ 

Cullen tentatively smiled at her and Eve smiled back.

‘It would not have been a one-time thing for me either, Cullen.’ She told him.

He stepped close enough now to take the documents out of her arms and tossed them to the table before gently grasping her hands in his. He ran his thumbs gently over the back of her hands and intertwined their fingers. 

What was between then wasn’t quite love yet, she knew that, but as Cullen leaned forward to shly press a gentle and reverent kiss against her mouth her heart fluttered with the joyful familiarity of it. 

Eve lifted her hands from his grasp and threw her arms around Cullen’s shoulders. He stumbled backwards until he bumped back against the table, their noses bumped together and he wrapping his arms around her, gathering her against his chest and steadied them both. 

Giggling, Eve pulled back to smile at him. Cullen brought his hands up to frame her face and smiled with warmth and fondness at her. 

It wasn’t quite love yet, but it would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this ending wasn't a let down because there didn't end up being any naked parts, it just didn't seem right that they would jump in each others pants at this stage. 
> 
> Sorry this took longer than I would have liked. Some things in my personal life have been quite rough. 
> 
> If you are still reading this I, well, I hope you enjoyed it.


End file.
